J@net's di@ry: January 2013

IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY MOTHER-IN-LAW

This blog is dedicated to my mother-in-law who left us to be with her maker on October 1, 2012. It gives me comfort to know that she is happy where she is right now, with the Lord who is surrounded by her husband, her brothers and friends who she missed terribly. And it is comforting to know that she died in the very way that she had wished for, in her sleep. However, we are hurting each day to know that she is not here with us anymore.

I want to talk about what she meant to me, and how deep in sorrow Robert and I are without her. I would like to start with the way she welcomed me into her home as her youngest son's wife. I know that she welcomed me with all her heart the moment i stepped into the house. Everyone could see that she was happy the day i got married to Robert which is more than what any woman could hope for on her wedding day, being accepted whole heartedly. She was afraid that i would be uncomfortable living with her at her home, now my home. It is hurting to think of how hard she tried, from her end, to make me happy. She always thought of buying the kind of food i wanted and gave me company when my husband had to go out. Robert and I had to stay at Hnahthial because of my work which is around 7 hours drive away from home. She hardly ever complaint about the fact that her son was not with her. I think that all that she cared about was that her son and his wife were truly happily married. And i believe that she did everything she could to make our life blissful. And it is due to The Lord's grace and her constant prayers and endeavors that we were a very happy family.

She was the kind of person that got along with everyone. She was a friend to me. I could tell her everything about even my past and she would tell me about her past too, and we would chat along like two young girls. She would tell me stories of her childhood and sleep with me on our bed when my husband was away on camps and etc. Even my girlfriends and sisters-in-law enjoyed her presence when they came to visit. In fact, she got along with everyone. She had a group of tight friends who were very close to her and our whole family. The last time I saw them really happy together was at the celebration of my mother-in-law's 82nd birthday on April 15, 2012 (as the picture shows below). The 2nd one from right died in August 2012 after which my mother was never her real self anymore.

She was a mother who loved all her children, her daughters-in-law, her grandchildren, her nieces, her nephews and all related to her. One thing i noticed was that all her children, grandchildren and nieces and nephews all felt that they were her favourite. Wonder how she did that! She loved her husband very much and even after 20 years of his death, i think she almost mentioned him everyday. I knew she treasured and missed him a lot. She remembered many things and advices my father-in-law had told her and kept it in her heart. She never visited his grave without shedding a tear even after many years had gone by. She would see him in her dreams and tell us the next day about it.

She was kind and wanted to help those that were in need, if she was in a position to do so. She felt sorry for anyone that told her their sad stories. She really sympathized with a woman who came regularly to our home selling vegetables. She felt sorry for her because her husband who was a constant drinker would beat her and take away from her all her hard-earned money. My mother-in-law would everyday give her tea and chat with her, listening to her story and giving her advice.

She was someone who loved to work and could not remain lazy throughout the day doing nothing, even at the age of 82. She loved her kitchen garden near the house and their she had all kinds of vegetables like mustard leaves, pumpkin, chillies, bean, long beans, cucumber and etc. She loved flowers and enjoyed watching her lilies in her small garden. However, she did not appreciate plants that did not have flowers. She would sometimes sit on the ground near her plants and work on them or water them in the evenings. Her tiny kitchen garden which gave us food, gave her much joy. She was someone who took up any work that could help her help her husband in providing food for a family of 5 children.

She was an outgoing and adventurous lady who enjoyed hanging out and visiting friends and relatives. She wanted to visit all new places in Aizawl but did not pressurize us for it. However, if we mentioned any new place and suggest we visit it, it was always a 'yes' from her. So sometimes we dined out at a restaurant, sometimes we visited new stadiums and even watched a mizo movie 'Khawnglungrun' at a local 3D theatre. In fact, she may have been the oldest that visited that theatre to see a movie. And wherever we took her, she always seemed to appreciate everything we did. And it was always worth taking her out. Here are pictures of her enjoying her visit to Rajiv Gandhi Stadium at Mualpui and a dinner at Curry Pot, Khatla.

She was very sportive and active towards activities of groups where she was a member. She never hesitated to take part in any of the programs held in church or the MHIP (mizo women's group). Even after 80 years, if she was asked to play football she did just that. She is remembered at the church where she was a member, College Veng Presbyterian Church as someone who did anything that she could, for the church. She even dressed up as Undertaker the wrestler or a Sardar for shows raising funds for building the present church. She acted every part very sportingly. In fact, one of her sons was embarrassed when she dressed up as Undertaker and pulling a coffin behind her.

In the last week of October 2012, she started having problems with her gastritis and so she starting eating less of green chillies which she loved. On October 26, 2012 after dinner she said that she was feeling pain in her chest and her back was burning. She took off her clothes, so i fanned her back for sometime after which she said it was ok. Then later she asked to be fanned again, so i did. I was a bit worried so i called Robert home and asked him to take us to the hospital. She refused going to the hospital. We gave her some medicines and she slept. She was afraid of going to the hospital because a month back her friend who went through a regular check up was found to have cancer and operated upon. She died after the operation. So my mother-in-law became angry every time we mentioned the hospital. The next day as i had to go to school, my husband stayed with her the whole day. In the evening in order to cheer her up we took her to her daughter's (U Mami) place but after half an hour she wanted to go home. After reaching home she was in deep pain, pain in the chest moving to her arms and back. We called her daughter who came with her husband, U Vana and we convinced her to go to the hospital. We took her there where we were met by Robert's brother U Masiama. At the hospital she was given some medicines for her gastritis and a shot of pain killer. Her pain went away so we went back home. Around 2am she got the same pain again. U Mami stayed and slept with her for the night as requested by my mother-in-law, and we were up till 4am. From then on, she was in pain now and then, but as directed by the doctors we gave her pain killers and she was then ok for a few hours. On the eve of her death she was given a shot of painkiller around 8:30pm after which she asked us to sleep early, so we did as her daughter was sleeping with her. In the morning around 7:20am she was found dead. Just like that she was no more, gone far far away from us, never to return in flesh and blood. It all happened so quickly that my husband and I were in a shock for a minutes after her death.

Her face was very peaceful and so i believe she must have crossed over without any pain or fight, which is comforting. Her funeral was scheduled for the same day 1pm so we had very little time with her after her death. Everything happened so quickly that even today when i think back at everything that happened it is almost hard to believe. Its a very strange feeling to talk to someone one evening and find that the next day they are unable to answer you. My life with her kept flashing back and forth before the funeral, it was hard to accept that she was there no more.

I am proud to have been associated with her and treated like a daughter by her even though it was only for around 3 years and a half. She made me feel very special, wanted, appreciated and most of all loved. She was a woman who was strong, loving, encouraging, kind hearted, brave, wise and very modest. She will always have a very special place in my heart and all her advices will remain with me and guide me as we continue to live this life without her.We were a family of 3 but now only 2 of us remain at home. We miss her terribly. We miss her smile, her laughter, her words of comfort, her prayers for us but most of all her company.